


Workplace Nemesis

by needs_more_horseradish



Series: bbcSherlockWarmUpDrabbles [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Awesome Sally Donovan, Canon Compliant, Dialogue Heavy, Enemies to Friends, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Missing Scenes, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 04, Vitriolic Friendship, discussion of suicide, do I have to do everything myself?, hints of character arc, there's not enough fic around about these two being friends, there's some sad bits in this, this is so self-indulgent but I had such fun writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 22:39:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18584047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needs_more_horseradish/pseuds/needs_more_horseradish
Summary: "You'll always be a freak, Holmes."





	Workplace Nemesis

The front door of 221 Bakerstreet gets opened at two in the morning, because of a vehement knocking.

 

"Donovan?"

 

"You butthole!"

 

"You don't seem surprised - "

 

"That you're not dead? Yeah, I got a text from - "

 

"- Lestrade, of course."

 

"You. Butthole."

 

"Is that all you're going to say or do you want to come in?"

 

"No, I'm not coming in, I just came here to tell you that... that you're a butthole, and I hate you, and and and-"

 

"Donovan, are you - "

 

"I have been sitting in my kitchen the entire night thinking about what to say to you, and then I knew, and I came here straight away, and now I'm DONE, Christ, I'm done with you!"

 

"Yeah, how many coffee's did you have?"

 

"Loads. Too much. And YOU - "

 

"I thought you were done?"

 

"I thought I kILLED YOU!"

 

"...what?"

 

"When it turned out that you were innocent, and you had _killed yourself_ , I thought that was on me! Was that funny to you? Getting one over me? Really show her, huh? Teach her a lesson? Say something you arse!"

 

"Sally... this had nothing to do with you. I was forced to do this. You know why, don't you?"

 

"Because... because of Moriarty."

 

"Yes. He had absolute control. I had to fake my death to protect the people in my life. I'm just finding out now that in doing so, I unintentionally inflicted harm upon them. I didn't mean to. And I didn't mean to hurt you either. I'm sorry."

 

"Okay... so... what happened to your nose?"

 

"Oh. John. Nobody texted him. Was a bit of a shock for him."

 

"Are you alright?"

 

"Yeah. Sure."

 

"Cause you've been away for two years, and you look strung out."

 

"That's just because of the nose. I'm fine."

 

"You're still a butthole though."

 

"Is that a step up or down from 'Freak'?"

 

"You'll always be a freak, Holmes. Butthole is just an adjunct."

 

"I'm not a freak, Sally. I'm The Freak."

 

"Oh dear goodness, I'm leaving now. You should call Philip. He's had a hard time as well."

 

"I might. But I probably won't."

 

"You really are a butthole, Freak."

 

"Goodnight, Sally."

 

* * *

 

"Holmes?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Did you by any chance send me this really horrifyingly expensive bottle of champagne for my promotion?"

 

"Too much?"

 

"One could get the impression you're trying to make up for something."

 

"Yes, well, if that were the case, it wouldn't be a big deal because I'm getting lots of practise these days in making up for stuff."

 

"So Doctor Watson is talking to you again?"

 

"He asked me to be best man at his wedding."

 

"Yes, I've heard. Your little cry for help had the boss quite rattled."

 

"So I've noticed. I think he's trying to make up for something as well."

 

"So you're gonna be best man."

 

"Yep."

 

"Plan the bachelor party..."

 

"And the wedding."

 

"...give a speech..."

 

"That's expected."

 

"...be social and behave the entire day."

 

"Yup."

 

"You're in deep shit mate."

 

"Yup."

 

"Seriously though I can't accept that champagne."

 

"Why not? It's not poisoned, if that's what you're concerned with."

 

"No, it's just too much. Must've cost you a fortune."

 

"It didn't really. I know a guy."

 

" 'I know a guy' as in 'I know the manufacturer' or as in 'I know someone who steals really good booze'?"

 

"Actually, both. Enjoy the champagne. Congratulations on your promotion, Detective Inspector."

 

* * *

 

"Poisoned sanitizer!"

 

"Dammit, Holmes, don't sneak up on me like that! What do you mean, poisoned sanitizer?"

 

"Nurse Bailey was poisoned by her colleague, Nurse Cushing, through her hand sanitizer. The lab results will confirm that."

 

"Uh, ok, do we have a motive?"

 

"It was well known that they hated each other. 'Workingplace nemesis' was the term used, I believe. Sort of like you and me."

 

"Hm, yeah, no, you're not my workplace nemesis."

 

"What are you talking about, of course I am."

 

"No, you're not. That's Jordan."

 

"Who?"

 

"Jordan, she works in the archive? Whenever I request something, a cold case file, stored away evidence, she always let's me wait an hour. Even when I can see that she has nothing else to do. And she only does it with me, and I don't know what I did to her. Now _her_ I hate."

  
"Oh, would that be the blonde with the pink brooch?"  


"So you do know her?"

 

"I even know why she doesn't like you; she's Anderson's ex."

 

"She's what now?"  


"He had an affair with her before he had an affair with you."

 

"That ... ok ... but ... why didn't I know that?"

 

"Are you sure you dislike her more than me?"

 

"She lets me wait a whole _hour_ , Holmes."

 

"It's just, all the insults, the accusations, I thought what we had was special."

 

"It is, but do we really need to put a label on it? Can't we just be two people who dislike each other very much and see where it leads from there?"

  
"I guess, if that's what you want."

 

* * *

 

 

"SALLY!"

 

"What the hell?"

 

"You're about to go to Wilson Summer's home to question him!"

 

"Yes, some follow up questions on the Michaels case, that _you_ didn't want to take because it was 'boring', so why are you making such a ruckus?"

 

"There's a police officer in Colorado who contacted me on an old case, a suspicious death of his colleague who was working on a string of break-ins and murders. and that case led me to Summers. You need to arrest him and his wife. And take lots of backup."

 

"What's the charge exactly? Short version please."  


"Summers is a false identity. Katie and Wilson are actually Lynn and Jude Beryll who killed two people, and before that they have been Roberta and Pete Cannahan, who -"

 

"Shorter."

 

"...Summers bad. People dead. Police also dead. Going alone no."

 

"Ok, send me the rest per e-mail, will you?"

 

* * *

 

 

_Arrested Summers and wife. Found loads_

_of compromising evidence in their house._

_They took trophies from their victims! Really_

_disturbing stuff. Hate to admit it,but you may have_

_saved my life there. Thanks for the heads up._

**Sent 22:03**

 

 

 

_How the hell did you get this number? SH_

**Received 22:05**

 

* * *

 

 

_how was the wedding, freak?_

**Sent 02:48**

 

 

 

_Fine. SH_

**Received 02:55**

 

 

_uh oh. doesn't sound fine_

**Sent 02:57**

 

 

 

_Everything went well until the_

_photographer tried to murder_

_one of the guests. SH_

**Received 03:11**

 

 

_that's incredible and I better_

_read everything about that on_

_Doctor Watson's blog but what_

_I really need to know is this: did_

_you hook up with the bridesmaid?_

**Sent 03:15**

 

 

 

_How did you get this number again? SH_

**Received 03:16**

 

 

 

_Did you?_

**Sent 03:17**

 

 

 

_You're only bombarding me with_

_inappropriate questions to distract_

_yourself from the fact that your_

_date tonight didn't end as you_

_hoped. Sad really. Maybe you_

_should give Anderson another_

_call? SH_

**Received 03:19**

 

 

_Was she hot?_

**Sent 03:22**

 

* * *

 

 

"Holmes."

 

"No."

 

"Take the case."

 

"No."  


"Take the damn case."

 

"Get me an interesting case, and I'll take it."

 

"Oh I'm _so_ sorry these people didn't get killed in a properly entertaining way."

 

"Sally, I'm booked out. Have you seen the queue outside my flat? I need to prioritize somehow."

 

"This is a time-sensitive open case with possible ties to other crimes, and you are the best option."

 

"You're the third person to say that to me today."

 

"Urgh! Fine. I wanted to save this for a special occasion, but Greg still has a photo of you on your first case with us. You know? The year _before_ you discovered hair gel? Yeah. Solve the case and I'll tell you where he keeps the photo."

 

"Deal."

 

 

* * *

 

_Holmes_

**Sent 14:05**

 

 

_Holmes_

**Sent 14:26**

 

 

_dammit pick up your phone_

**Sent 14:47**

 

 

_I've got some cold cases for you?_

**Sent 14:53**

 

 

_look I'm sorry your friend died but_

_this is not the way to deal with it_

**Sent 15:38**

 

 

_I've looked through the reports_

_and it wasn't your fault._

**Sent 15:39**

 

 

_Tell that to John. SH_

**Received 15:40**

 

 

 

_it doesn't matter what John says._

_He's biased. He is grieving his wife_

_and looking for someone to blame_

**Sent 15:41**

 

 

_HOLMES_

**Sent 15:50**

 

 

_I'm worried ok?_

**Sent 15:51**

 

 

_just promise me you won't_

_do anything rash?_

**Sent 15:51**

 

 

_I don't do promises. I made_

_one promise in my life and_

_I blew it. SH_

**Received 15:52**

 

 

_I'm sorry. SH_

**Received 15:58**

 

 

_That was a terrible thing to say._

_Forgive me. SH_

**Received 15:58**

_Holmes_

**Sent 16:04**

 

 

_Listen, if I come over after work,_

_can we go for some pizza maybe?_

_Or chips? Or you pick something?_

**Sent 16:06**

 

 

_I swear I'm not gonna blow up_

_if you're high, I just want to make_

_sure you get outside sometime and_

_eat something proper and talk to a_

_human being about something that_

_isn't guilt or death._

**Sent 16:09**

 

 

_Can we go for chinese? SH_

**Received 16:21**

 

* * *

 

 

"Jesus, Sherlock!"

 

"Sally? I didn't know you were one of my babysitters."

 

"What the hell happened to you?"

 

"Haven't you heard? Someone tried to-"

 

"-kill you in your hospital bed? Yes I know. But, why do you look like this? Sherlock, look at your face!"

 

"Sally-"

 

"The state of you! You're bruised all over! Who did this, I want names, now. Adresses too, if you have them, I'll send someone over."

 

"Sally, just leave it, please. It's all over now."

 

"No way. This is not ok. When I find out who is responsible-"

 

"Well, you can relax because you won't find out, because I won't tell you."

 

"But why-"

 

"Sally, everything hurts and I'm going through withdrawal. I don't have the energy to argue with you. Can we please just drop it? Let's talk about something else."

 

"Alright. I'll drop it. For now."

 

"Good. Thank you. Now we have a couple of hours together, what do you want to do?"

 

"I thought I'm gonna open tinder and we could go through the profiles together so you can pick a nice date for me."

 

"Donovan, look at me, am I not suffering enough already?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So, let me get this straight, your sister, who you don't remember because of some weird post-traumatic amnesia, held you, your brother and John Watson hostage and played some sadistic murder game with you? When did your life turn into a Saw movie?"

 

"Ugh, I hate those. Molly made me watch them all last Halloween."

 

"Huh. I would have thought you'd go wild for some horror."

 

"I have enough of that in my work. My needs are met, thank you very much. I have no craving of witnessing people being mutilated. I'm not actually a sadist, you know?"

 

"Oh I don't know. I enjoy a good slasher movie."

 

"Sally!"

 

"What? Have you never seen one of those movies where you hate a character and you're cheering for the killer to get them?"

 

"God, Sally, that's terrible! No, stop laughing, that's not funny."

 

* * *

 

 

"No."

 

"Sherlock!"

 

"No."

 

"But you have to come! You're the one who introduced us."

 

"I did no such thing."

 

"Yes you did, you picked his tinder profile!"

 

"Which I'm seriously regretting now."

 

"Sherlock, you're going to come to my wedding. End of discussion. I want to introduce you to the best man. You're gonna like him."

 

"Oh God, are you trying to set me up with someone?"

 

"One more word and you're going to be my bridesmaid."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Admit it."

 

"Nah."

 

"Come on, there's no shame in admitting it."

 

"No really, I'm good."

 

"I was right."

 

"Sherlock."

 

"Solved the case."

 

"I mean that's what you're here for."

 

"Saved the day."

 

"You're so insufferable, you know that?"

 

"Brought a family back together."

 

"If you shut up now I'll give you a cookie."

 

"Learnt a valuable lesson about friendship, and brought a terrible man to justice. Not to mention the hotel manager gave me his phone number."

 

"The cute one? Well done you! Are you two going for a coffee like I told you?"

 

"Yep. Not bad for a freak, don't you think?"

 

"You're not a freak, Sherlock. You're The Freak"

 

"You're damn right I am."

 


End file.
